Hundreds of thousands of men go without sandwiches for lunch
Today hundreds of thousands of women decided to go for a midday walk all across the U.S. We get it, it’s the usual dog and pony show, you’re mad. About what? We don’t know and we’re not too sure you know either. Something about your rights and how they’ve been magically taken away in the last 24 hours but it wasn’t a problem in the previous 8 years? I’ll understand quantum physics before I ever figure out the logic of the American female. Never the less, you were out there chanting your little hearts out and waving your crafty little signs. While we did enjoy the peace and quiet and are thankful for the fact that you did this on a Saturday and not NFL playoff Sunday, there was no one around to fix us a sandwich. It’s not that we can’t do it ourselves, it’s that you just do a much better job at it. When Michelangelo painted the Sistine chapel did he let his assistants finish it up? No. We feel the same way about your artistry in the kitchen, we don’t want to impede on that.
So whatever you’re upset about, we’re sorry and it won’t happen again. Next time you get fired up about something just leave us something in the fridge before you go. At least this whole pep rally was done before it got too late so we could get a hot plate for dinner.
Also, kudos to all you guys out there at the rallies. I see what you’re doing being around all those women out there getting all fired up, it had to be like shooting fish in a barrel. I’m not even mad, that had to be a higher success rate then constantly swiping right on tinder and hoping for a hit. And if you were able to sneak a gameday sign in there +10.
(Is Joe Flacco an elite QB?)
Sidenote, the highway department reported a record efficiency in traffic flow during the marches.